I decided to go and look up a bit of info about the part of Germany my cousin and her family live in. Germany used to be several different countries, so I figure there's probably cultural and regional differences throughout.
They live in or around Frankfurt. According to Wikipedia, Frankfurt is in Hesse. That sounded vaguely familiar to me, so I followed the link to Hesse, and saw it's also known as Hessia. And I was like, "Ah, that's why it sounds familiar. The Hessian mercenaries during the Revolutionary War." So, that means all I know about the area so far is that George Washington slaughtered a bunch of them in their sleep after his famous midnight crossing of the Delaware River. Hopefully they're not still bitter about that.
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Saturday, June 16, 2012
Deutschland? Jawohl!
I don't normally use this blog to discuss current events in my life, good or ill, but this is a fairly major one that I wanted to share. About a week ago, my mom gave me the idea of going to Germany to visit my cousin Tami and her family. This is the same cousin I went to visit in Boston a couple years back; I think I mentioned that here before. Her idea is to cover half the air fare as my birthday present this year.
We still have to contact Tami and work out the logistics of the trip, figure out when would be a good time for them, etc. But if we manage to pull this off, it will be the first time in my life I've been outside the continental United States. So, as you can imagine, this plan holds some appeal with me.
I'd be going alone, which would also be a first for me. I like alone time as much as the next guy, but when I'm going on a trip, I like to have someone with me, be it friends or family. But of course I'd be staying with family once I got there, so it'd really only be on the plane that I'd be by myself.
My only real concern is that I don't speak a lick of German. For all I know, my cousin will be the only native English speaker around. Her husband Denny speaks English just fine, and her son Noah's English is about as good as any four year old's, but that's about it. It's probably not that big a deal, except that if I feel like striking out on my own for a day, I'll probably spend most of the day saying "Excuse me, do you speak English?" everywhere I go.
But, with that one caveat, I still want to do this. I haven't had a real vacation in at least a year, and I've always wanted to go to another country. So, I'm gonna get in contact with my cousin and see what we can't iron out together. So I'd better practice saying one of the few things I can say in German: "Ich bin ein Amerikaner."
We still have to contact Tami and work out the logistics of the trip, figure out when would be a good time for them, etc. But if we manage to pull this off, it will be the first time in my life I've been outside the continental United States. So, as you can imagine, this plan holds some appeal with me.
I'd be going alone, which would also be a first for me. I like alone time as much as the next guy, but when I'm going on a trip, I like to have someone with me, be it friends or family. But of course I'd be staying with family once I got there, so it'd really only be on the plane that I'd be by myself.
My only real concern is that I don't speak a lick of German. For all I know, my cousin will be the only native English speaker around. Her husband Denny speaks English just fine, and her son Noah's English is about as good as any four year old's, but that's about it. It's probably not that big a deal, except that if I feel like striking out on my own for a day, I'll probably spend most of the day saying "Excuse me, do you speak English?" everywhere I go.
But, with that one caveat, I still want to do this. I haven't had a real vacation in at least a year, and I've always wanted to go to another country. So, I'm gonna get in contact with my cousin and see what we can't iron out together. So I'd better practice saying one of the few things I can say in German: "Ich bin ein Amerikaner."
-Long Days and Pleasant Nights
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
There's a little black spot on the Sun today...
I'm a little upset I didn't get to see the Venus transit today. Especially since it was due to lack of preparation on my part. It was a beautiful day today, with a clear sky. If I had gotten even so much as a pair of welding goggles to wear, I might have been able to see it. As it is, all I can do is look up pictures of it.
Oh, well, I guess I can just try and stay alive until the next one in 120 years.
Oh, well, I guess I can just try and stay alive until the next one in 120 years.
-Long Days and Pleasant Nights
Thursday, May 31, 2012
A shocking move that surprised no one
Well, after nearly a week of waiting, the Syrian government has announced the results of its careful and exhaustive investigation into the recent massacre in Houla. Amazingly, the government has determined that they had nothing to do with it! This announcement by the Syrian government, on the heels of repeated claims by the Syrian government that they were not to blame for the massacre, has sent reverberations throughout the world. The bold claim "We didn't do it" has obliterated beyond any shadow of a doubt the thousands of eyewitness testimonies that the government was responsible.
The thing I like best about this is that the Syrian government only kinda pretended to investigate the massacre. They released their results less than a week after the attack. I mean, I know that on television a week is an ungodly amount of time for an investigation to last, but this is real life, folks. Also, I love how they're blaming it on "terrorists." The only way to get more vague than that is to say the attack was carried out by "people with weapons."
I imagine the so-called investigation went something like this.
"Good morning, President al-Assad."
"Good morning. I'd like to find out who was responsible for the massacre in Houla."
"Very well." <stands up> "President al-Assad, are you responsible for the massacre in Houla?"
"No."
"Alright, then. Do you know who is responsible?"
"Terrorists."
"Any specific group? Maybe the name of a supposed lead..."
"Terrorists."
"Awesome. I'll prepare a press release for Thursday."
Included in the press release were a number of other things that the Syrian Government has announced they are not responsible for. Here's a partial list:
Global Warming
Josef Mengele
The Exxon Valdez crash
The Book of Mormon (editor's note: the list does not specify whether they mean the holy book, or the musical)
Those little white flecks you sometimes get at the corners of your mouth
Childhood obesity
The oppressive government in Syria
The Moon Landing
The death of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain
Tuberculosis
The 1945 bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
The career of Flavor Flav
Mosquitos
Beatlemania
Josef Stalin's mustache
1984 (editor's note: the list does not specify whether they mean the book, or the year)
The Pasteurization process
Formica
The fall of the Roman Empire
Maple trees
Pens with no ink that people refuse to throw out
Friedrich Nietzsche's mustache
Poor television reception
The Second Punic War
Season Six of Saturday Night Live
The thing I like best about this is that the Syrian government only kinda pretended to investigate the massacre. They released their results less than a week after the attack. I mean, I know that on television a week is an ungodly amount of time for an investigation to last, but this is real life, folks. Also, I love how they're blaming it on "terrorists." The only way to get more vague than that is to say the attack was carried out by "people with weapons."
I imagine the so-called investigation went something like this.
"Good morning, President al-Assad."
"Good morning. I'd like to find out who was responsible for the massacre in Houla."
"Very well." <stands up> "President al-Assad, are you responsible for the massacre in Houla?"
"No."
"Alright, then. Do you know who is responsible?"
"Terrorists."
"Any specific group? Maybe the name of a supposed lead..."
"Terrorists."
"Awesome. I'll prepare a press release for Thursday."
Included in the press release were a number of other things that the Syrian Government has announced they are not responsible for. Here's a partial list:
Global Warming
Josef Mengele
The Exxon Valdez crash
The Book of Mormon (editor's note: the list does not specify whether they mean the holy book, or the musical)
Those little white flecks you sometimes get at the corners of your mouth
Childhood obesity
The oppressive government in Syria
The Moon Landing
The death of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain
Tuberculosis
The 1945 bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
The career of Flavor Flav
Mosquitos
Beatlemania
Josef Stalin's mustache
1984 (editor's note: the list does not specify whether they mean the book, or the year)
The Pasteurization process
Formica
The fall of the Roman Empire
Maple trees
Pens with no ink that people refuse to throw out
Friedrich Nietzsche's mustache
Poor television reception
The Second Punic War
Season Six of Saturday Night Live
-Long Days and Pleasant Nights
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Jim Crow Flies Again
If you live in North Carolina, you may have noticed that the streets are a little safer tonight. For who knows how long, a sinister presence has darkened the State, putrefying everything it touches, and leaving none safe in its wake. Families have been destroyed by this invisible monster, and countless lives have been ruined. But now, the citizens of North Carolina can sleep a little easier, knowing that by the very skin of their teeth, disaster has been averted.
I'm referring of course, to gay marriage.
Yes, that's right. Next to gay marriage, terrorism is a minor inconvenience. Soaring health rate costs are but a trifling affair. All those people with no jobs should be grateful that at the very least, two people of the same gender they've never even met won't be able to build a life together.
Can you hear me, Homosexual Agenda? You'd better run and hide back in your college campuses and the liberal media. The people of North Carolina have spoken loud and clear. They've said, just like in the 50s, that hate is alright, as long as it's leveled against a target they've deemed acceptable.
Some have said that there's nothing wrong with gay marriage. That if two people love each other, that's all that should matter. Apparently those people have some misguided idea that marriage is stable, and that the institution can withstand the pressure. But fortunately, the people who voted for this Amendment know differently. They understand fully the shaky foundation that heterosexual marriage is built upon. They know that the concept of marriage cannot possibly continue to exist if we start allowing homosexuals to join in on it. We have to stamp out gay marriage now, before people stop seeing marriage as something a man and a woman must suffer through, and start thinking of it as a bond between two people who love each other.
But don't think the fight is over, my friends. Reactionary homophobes in North Carolina may be celebrating their victory over decency and goodwill tonight, but they know that tomorrow the battle will resume. For, you see, gay marriage might now be unconstitutional in their State, but that hasn't changed the fact that gay people are still allowed to draw breath. It's not enough to stop gays from marrying. It's not even enough to cure them of their crippling affliction. The problem with a cure is that there's sometimes a relapse. So, in order to make sure that the threat of gay marriage can no longer darken our landscape, we have to make homosexuality a capital crime. And no slaps on the wrist for first-time offenders. We all know what they say about those people's wrists, and if we break it by accident, they might sue. And there just might be some namby-pamby bleeding heart judge out there willing to award damages. We have to stamp this out once, and for all.
And after we're done there, we can start doing something about those damn minorities, like we tried to do half a century ago.
 | |
| Not a whole hell of a lot has changed, has it? |
Can you hear me, Homosexual Agenda? You'd better run and hide back in your college campuses and the liberal media. The people of North Carolina have spoken loud and clear. They've said, just like in the 50s, that hate is alright, as long as it's leveled against a target they've deemed acceptable.
Some have said that there's nothing wrong with gay marriage. That if two people love each other, that's all that should matter. Apparently those people have some misguided idea that marriage is stable, and that the institution can withstand the pressure. But fortunately, the people who voted for this Amendment know differently. They understand fully the shaky foundation that heterosexual marriage is built upon. They know that the concept of marriage cannot possibly continue to exist if we start allowing homosexuals to join in on it. We have to stamp out gay marriage now, before people stop seeing marriage as something a man and a woman must suffer through, and start thinking of it as a bond between two people who love each other.
But don't think the fight is over, my friends. Reactionary homophobes in North Carolina may be celebrating their victory over decency and goodwill tonight, but they know that tomorrow the battle will resume. For, you see, gay marriage might now be unconstitutional in their State, but that hasn't changed the fact that gay people are still allowed to draw breath. It's not enough to stop gays from marrying. It's not even enough to cure them of their crippling affliction. The problem with a cure is that there's sometimes a relapse. So, in order to make sure that the threat of gay marriage can no longer darken our landscape, we have to make homosexuality a capital crime. And no slaps on the wrist for first-time offenders. We all know what they say about those people's wrists, and if we break it by accident, they might sue. And there just might be some namby-pamby bleeding heart judge out there willing to award damages. We have to stamp this out once, and for all.
And after we're done there, we can start doing something about those damn minorities, like we tried to do half a century ago.
-Long Days and Pleasant Nights
Monday, April 30, 2012
Wait Until Dark
I read this article today about one Chen Guangcheng. He's a Civil Rights activist in China who for the last year or so has been under house arrest. He managed to escape house arrest recently, and is allegedly hiding out in the U.S. Embassy in Beijing.
Of course, the Chinese media is being tight-lipped about the whole thing. But the American government is being just as quiet about it. It probably has something to do with the fact that Secretary of State Clinton is heading down to China right now for talks with their government. They don't want this possible political exile to overshadow the whole thing.
Here's the thing about this that kills me, though. Chen is blind. A blind man managed to slip unnoticed out of his heavily guarded house and elude Chinese authorities. I mean, that's like something out of a movie. I can only imagine the verbal berating the guards got over that. "You let a blind man escape!?!" I know the Chinese censor just about everything out of habit, but I almost can't blame them for keeping mum on this one.
Well, as Damon Wayans once said, "Never underestimate the power of the handicapped."
Of course, the Chinese media is being tight-lipped about the whole thing. But the American government is being just as quiet about it. It probably has something to do with the fact that Secretary of State Clinton is heading down to China right now for talks with their government. They don't want this possible political exile to overshadow the whole thing.
Here's the thing about this that kills me, though. Chen is blind. A blind man managed to slip unnoticed out of his heavily guarded house and elude Chinese authorities. I mean, that's like something out of a movie. I can only imagine the verbal berating the guards got over that. "You let a blind man escape!?!" I know the Chinese censor just about everything out of habit, but I almost can't blame them for keeping mum on this one.
Well, as Damon Wayans once said, "Never underestimate the power of the handicapped."
-Long Days and Pleasant Nights
Friday, April 27, 2012
One Car, One Spot
Pet peeves are those little annoying things that niggle at you when you encounter them. To be a true pet peeve, it has to be something minor that you encounter often. For instance, genocide is not a pet peeve. That guy in your office who always greets you with "Heeey buddyyyy" in a rellay grating voice, that's a pet peeve.
My pet peeve, or at least the one I'm most aware of, is people who take up more than one spot when parking their cars. I work in a strip mall that contains a convenient store and a laundromat, and people seem to think that just because they're not going to be there long, they can just park their cars however they want. They'll go right down the middle of a painted line, or they'll be sloppy and leave the car at a drunken angle in the spot so parts of it are hanging into two other spaces. They usually don't even bother to straighten their tires.
Even more annoying in it's own way, though, are the guys who manage through Herculean effort to squeeze their car into only one spot, but are off-center in the spot. So they're only using one spot, but if they happen to be too far over on the right, anyone trying to park in the spot on the right won't be able to open his car door enough to get out. On the other hand, idiots who park too far to the left can have the same thing happen to them. I sometimes do this on purpose just to let them know what I think of their poor aim.
My job involves driving in and out of the parking lot several times a day. Which means I have to park my car in the same lot many times, so I find myself hampered by these people a lot. At least once a week, I witness a situation where two cars pull out of the lot, and suddenly five spaces are opened up. Usually after I've had to park my car on the far end of the lot from my work.
Then there's the guys who take up several spots because their vehicle is so friggin' huge that it's physically impossible for it to fit in one spot. Hey, pal, you live in an urban environment. Can you explain to me why you need a truck that can tow 20 tons of lumber across 100 miles of dirt road in the middle of one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world? Besides your obvious self-esteem issues, that is.
I don't drive a small car. I have an SUV. Some call it a truck, and it does have plenty of storage space, but it's not a truck. I manage to park, every single time, right in the middle of the spot, and without my ass hanging out into the lot. It's not hard. Sometimes I have to back up and fiddle with the steering wheel to make sure I'm lined up correctly, but that only takes a few seconds. If your life is so packed that you can't spare 5 seconds to be a decent human being, then it's time for a serious re-assessment of your priorities.
And speaking of those enormous trucks, it kills me whenever one of them slows to almost a dead stop to cross railroad tracks. My friend, that vehicle you're babying was designed for rough terrain. Mountain passes, dirt switchbacks, gravel. Trust me, railroad tracks are not going to damage that thing. "Yeah," you might be saying, "but that off-road suspension is hard on the kidneys." In that case, let me remind you that you are crossing over railroad tracks. Vehicles that make yours look like a Matchbox car move across them all the freaking time. By slowing down, you're spending more time on the tracks, thereby increasing the likelihood that one of those nigh-unstoppable engines of doom will be trying to occupy the same space as you. What's more important to you, your comfort, or your life?
And to those who think I may be over-dramatizing the danger, I'd like to point out that people die on the tracks in my area every year. Some by trying to outrun a train, but just as many have died because they were moving slowly (or in at least one mind-numbingly stupid incident) or at a full stop on the tracks.
In short, get over yourself.
My pet peeve, or at least the one I'm most aware of, is people who take up more than one spot when parking their cars. I work in a strip mall that contains a convenient store and a laundromat, and people seem to think that just because they're not going to be there long, they can just park their cars however they want. They'll go right down the middle of a painted line, or they'll be sloppy and leave the car at a drunken angle in the spot so parts of it are hanging into two other spaces. They usually don't even bother to straighten their tires.
Even more annoying in it's own way, though, are the guys who manage through Herculean effort to squeeze their car into only one spot, but are off-center in the spot. So they're only using one spot, but if they happen to be too far over on the right, anyone trying to park in the spot on the right won't be able to open his car door enough to get out. On the other hand, idiots who park too far to the left can have the same thing happen to them. I sometimes do this on purpose just to let them know what I think of their poor aim.
My job involves driving in and out of the parking lot several times a day. Which means I have to park my car in the same lot many times, so I find myself hampered by these people a lot. At least once a week, I witness a situation where two cars pull out of the lot, and suddenly five spaces are opened up. Usually after I've had to park my car on the far end of the lot from my work.
Then there's the guys who take up several spots because their vehicle is so friggin' huge that it's physically impossible for it to fit in one spot. Hey, pal, you live in an urban environment. Can you explain to me why you need a truck that can tow 20 tons of lumber across 100 miles of dirt road in the middle of one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world? Besides your obvious self-esteem issues, that is.
I don't drive a small car. I have an SUV. Some call it a truck, and it does have plenty of storage space, but it's not a truck. I manage to park, every single time, right in the middle of the spot, and without my ass hanging out into the lot. It's not hard. Sometimes I have to back up and fiddle with the steering wheel to make sure I'm lined up correctly, but that only takes a few seconds. If your life is so packed that you can't spare 5 seconds to be a decent human being, then it's time for a serious re-assessment of your priorities.
And speaking of those enormous trucks, it kills me whenever one of them slows to almost a dead stop to cross railroad tracks. My friend, that vehicle you're babying was designed for rough terrain. Mountain passes, dirt switchbacks, gravel. Trust me, railroad tracks are not going to damage that thing. "Yeah," you might be saying, "but that off-road suspension is hard on the kidneys." In that case, let me remind you that you are crossing over railroad tracks. Vehicles that make yours look like a Matchbox car move across them all the freaking time. By slowing down, you're spending more time on the tracks, thereby increasing the likelihood that one of those nigh-unstoppable engines of doom will be trying to occupy the same space as you. What's more important to you, your comfort, or your life?
And to those who think I may be over-dramatizing the danger, I'd like to point out that people die on the tracks in my area every year. Some by trying to outrun a train, but just as many have died because they were moving slowly (or in at least one mind-numbingly stupid incident) or at a full stop on the tracks.
In short, get over yourself.
-Long Days and Pleasant Nights
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