Bad movies and fond memories

Back when I was a kid, there was a video rental chain (at least, I think it was a chain) called West Coast Video near my house. In one corner was a kid's section, which was partitioned off by faux castle walls and an arch that even at 10 years old I had to duck under (and I was a short kid). At the time, that seemed real cool, but looking back on it now, it seems very foolish. At the far corner from the kid's section was the Adult section, which was behind a doorway with a blind corner so you couldn't just look in. I remember being real curious about that, wondering what kind of movies were in there that I wasn't supposed to look at. I tried daring myself to go in there a couple times, but I never got up the nerve, except for standing in front of the doorway and trying to peer around. Eventually I decided it couldn't be too interesting, since my parents never went in there. Which I guess should tell me something about my parents.

Anyway, the kid's section was pretty much what you'd expect, cartoons and the like. I remember there was one movie that, like the Adult section, I kept trying to convince myself to rent, but I never did, because even as a kid I could tell that the movie would be garbage. At the time, I wasn't aware of the concept of "So Bad It's Good." Which is actually kind of funny, because there were a lot of movies I liked as a kid that could fit squarely into that trope, I was just too naive at the time to realize they were bad. I just knew they entertained me.

Some days, I kind of wish I had made myself rent that movie. In my older, more jaded years, I've come to have a greater appreciation for bad movies. MST3K played a big part in that. In fact, as I understand it, the movie was even on MST3K. I have a growing collection of films that I knew when I was buying them were going to be crap. Some of them I've even dared to watch by myself, without a gathering of friends to heckle the film with me. That's how depraved my fascination with low-budget direct-to-video genre movies has become.

Perhaps it's inaccurate to say I had no concept of So Bad It's Good. I remember that every time I went to West Coast Video, I would look at that movie and read the back cover, or sometimes just stare at the front and wonder "What were these people thinking?" Also, in some weird form of childish empathy, I felt sorry for the poor sods who made this movie, thinking it must have been a terrible embarrassment to have been in it. I even became embarrassed on their behalf even as I stared at the movie with a morbid fascination. I think my fear wasn't that the movie would be bad, because it obviously was, but that it was so bad I wouldn't be able to sit through it. Or that my mom would look at it and say "Are you crazy? We're not renting that," and I'd feel like an idiot.

It's funny, I no longer have any excuse not to watch the movie. There's nothing to stop me from finding a copy and downloading it (either the original or the MST3K version). I guess maybe now I'm just worried that there's no way it could live up to the badness I'm picturing in my head. Maybe I'll recommend it when and if I resurrect my old Beer And Bad Movie Nights.

For those of you wondering, the movie I'm talking about is Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights