The Dark Tower

I've been thinking about The Dark Tower a lot lately. Specifically, about the movie that came out last year. Now, a lot of people have already dedicated a lot of time to say what they thought was wrong about the movie. I don't have anything new to contribute on that front, in fact I'm still on the fence as to whether I thought it was a bad movie or not. No, my concern is with something else.

For those who don't know, The Dark Tower is a series of books by Stephen King. It is considered by some to be his magnum opus, despite its obscurity even among King fans. He started writing it when he was a spry lad of 19, and finished it many, many years later, to the great frustration of its fans. The first book in the series is titled The Gunslinger.

Now for whatever reason, The Powers That Be decided to name the first movie The Dark Tower. Perhaps they thought it was a more interesting title than The Gunslinger. I guess I can see that, but there's a problem with this. King titled the seventh and final book in the series The Dark Tower. 

Now, I always hated that title. I could never understand why King thought that The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower was a good idea. Regardless, he did it. This creates a problem, because if the film series continues, eventually they're going to get to the last book, and what are they going to name that movie? They already used The Dark Tower. To that end, I thought of a few alternate titles that the suits might want to consider. I feel these capture the essence of the last book.

Be warned, minor spoilers lie ahead.

The Dark Tower VII: The White Lands of Empathica
The Dark Tower VII: Your Favorite Character Will Probably Die
The Dark Tower VII: The Crimson King Was a Total Letdown
The Dark Tower VII: Was Mordred or Patrick Danville a Worse Character?
The Dark Tower VII: They're Not Actually Going to Reenact King's Accident, Are They?

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights

The Name Game

If you're not on my Facebook, you may not know that I'm married. And if you don't know that, then you definitely don't know that we're expecting my first child in November. Fraternal twins run in my wife's family, and for a couple weeks we thought we might be having twins, so we came up with sets of possible baby names. Now we know it's just one, and everyone but me is convinced it's a boy, so we've been focusing on boy's names.

When we thought it might be twins, I was all for naming the two boys Mario and Luigi. As video game character names go, they have the benefit of easy recognition, and more importantly, are real world names. So when we found out it's a singleton, my idea was to combine the names and christen our potential son Mario Luigi.

But now, the whole issue of my family's naming legacy has come up. As you can see in my profile, my middle name is Maxfield. It was also my father's first name. And his father's middle name. And his father's first name. I'm not sure how far back the name goes, but it's at least four generations. I was willing to make Maxfield my son's middle name, but my Mom wants to keep the pattern going. And she's recruited my wife.

So there's a campaign in my family right now to name our son (we don't for sure it's a boy yet, but everyone is seeing it as a forgone conclusion) Maxfield Mario Luigi. Maxfield Eric was also suggested, but I'm not into that at all, so I'm striking that name from the running. I think it was only suggested to stroke my ego, anyway.

So now I'm trying to decide, do I want to name my son Maxfield Mario Luigi? Does anyone out there have an opinion on the matter? Let me know.

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights

Required Reading

I'm not going to name any specific examples here, but more astute readers will probably know what I'm thinking of. I have a question to pose. Am I the alone in thinking that a lawmaker should actually read a bill before voting on it?

It seems like there ought to be a law for that. Don't vote on a bill if you haven't at least skimmed it on your lunch break. I understand that these bills can get so long they come with their own research librarian, and that's before you load them down with pork. I understand that those bills have to be some of the most boring reading on Earth. I really do get that. But you know what? It's your job, plain and simple. Yeah, it sucks, but that's what you're getting those inordinately large paychecks for. We didn't elect you to smile in front of cameras, defend other members of your political party, or spend your entire term running for reelection. We elected you to write bills and to vote on bills. You wanted the power, this is the price.

Nobody's expecting you to memorize these things. This isn't school, we don't need you to quote sections of it by rote. But you should understand what's in this bill your colleague is proposing. Don't vote for it just because one of your guys wrote it. Certainly don't vote against it just because one of the other guys wrote it. That's High School nonsense, and you're supposed to be beyond that by now. And don't stick to party lines and then whine when the other guy does the same thing. That might fool the people who just show up at rallies to be told things they want to hear. But those of us who are paying attention notice it, and it's not winning you any points.

Once again, because this bears repeating. No one's expecting you to memorize the whole thing, but you should at least understand it. When I go to vote, there's usually a proposal or two that I'm asked to voice my opinion on. When those come up, I read them carefully. Then I read them again, because I usually didn't understand it the first time. Then I read it a third time, to make sure I get it. Yes, it's boring. Yes, there's other stuff I'd rather be doing. But you know what? It's my civic duty, and I take that seriously.

Oh and one more thing. If you don't read it, don't go on news and try to defend yourself by saying "Have you seen the size of that thing? Do you actually expect me to read the whole thing?"

Yes, Mr. or Ms. Member of Congress, that's exactly what we expect you to do. It's your job.

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights

Facial Hair Blues

I shaved my beard for Halloween, as I usually do. So I decided to participate in No Shave November to grow it back. Unfortunately, my facial hair grows very slowly. It's the middle of the month, and I still look like a neckbeard.

I think next year I should pick a costume that incorporates a Van Dyck, like Ming the Merciless or David Xanatos.

The Political Landscaper

I'm not going to talk about the election yesterday. Not any directly relating to it, good, bad, or other. I just had one thought I wanted to commit to the Internet before it fled my mind.

Years back, when Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected Governor of California, I joked that it was a brief step towards making the future of Demolition Man a reality. It was a joke, but I was kidding on the square, as they say.

It seemed to me that every four years, the people trotted out as serious contenders for the White House made the idea of a Schwarzenegger presidency seem more and more likely. Every four years, the bar got lowered, so that wackos who would have been laughed at in the previous election were being taken seriously the next time around.

Now it seems to me that a Schwarzenegger presidency is not only plausible, I wasn't even thinking far enough ahead. After all, it's not like we haven't had an actor become President before. And all it would take is a single Amendment to allow a foreigner to be President. And I have the feeling there's plenty of people who wouldn't have cared if it did turn out that Obama was born in Kenya.

So the idea of an actor born on foreign soil winning the Presidency isn't too far fetched anymore. No, we gotta go farther. So in that vein, I think that we can look forward to seeing Jack Slater run for President. As in, the titular character in Last Action Hero. Someone who is not just a fictional character, but someone who is a fictional character within the work he appears in. A "show within a show" character, as it were. He's not even real in the movie, that's how fictional he is.

And I think he has a decent shot at the White House. I might even vote for him We could do worse.

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights

I have to say, I'm impressed

You may have heard, last night the Chicago Cubs won the World Series for the first time in over a century. I'm not a baseball fan myself, but I've noticed something about baseball fans in this city: They don't understand the meaning of "not a fan." I've had the following conversation at least twice every baseball season of my life.

Fan: Do you like the Cubs or the White Sox?
Me: I don't watch baseball.
Fan: Yeah, but do you like the Cubs or the Sox?
Me: I'm not a sports fan.
Fan: ...But do you like the Cubs, or the Sox?

Maybe this is the case everywhere, or just in areas that support more than one team. But in Chicago at least, you're not allowed to have no preference. They seem to be incapable of understanding that other people may not be fans. If you're one of those people and don't understand what I'm saying, imagine this alternate scenario.

Me: Which is better; Star Trek or Star Wars?
Person: I'm not into Sci Fi.
Me: OK, but, Star Trek or Star Wars?

I must say that I imagine this conversation has taken place somewhere. Sports fans aren't the only people to have myopia about their interests.

Having said all that, I won't pretend that I didn't care at all about the World Series. My father was a big Cubs fan, as is my wife. And I've lived in Chicago my whole life, so the spectre of not winning in over a century has hovered around me as much as anyone. So I did have some hopest that things would finally go the Cubbies way, and this city (or at least half of it) would have something to celebrate.

I had no idea if they would win or lose. But I was worried that either way, there would be riots. Sports championships seem to have that effect on people. But I've been scanning news sources, and I can't find any evidence that this was the case. I'm rather proud of us for this. For the most part, it's been business as usual. I have to commend my fellow Chicagoans, we know how to win with style.

-Long Days And Pleasant Nights

Get Out the Vote

This is something that I discussed in a previous post, but with the election coming up, I find myself thinking about it more and more. This November, a lot of people will not bother to vote. I can understand the reasoning in a lot of cases, but it's something that bothers me greatly.

One thing that bothers me is the same as when people do whatever they can to avoid jury duty. They're willing to reap the benefits of living in this country, but can't be bothered to engage in the responsibilities inherent in citizenship.

But mainly what gets to me about refusing to vote is the concept of voter apathy. The idea that your vote doesn't count. Fortunately, this trend is changing, albeit slowly. The last few election cycles, at least during Presidential elections, has been the highest then it was since the 60s, but we're still seeing around 40% of people not going to the ballot. But there's still a lot of people who don't think their vote makes a difference.

I disagree. For starters, by not voting, all you're doing is ensuring that your vote doesn't count. The best way to make sure your voice isn't heard is to stay silent.

Try a little thought experiment here. Say voter turnout this year is 55% (slightly less than 2012). That leaves 45% not voting. Now imagine, for the sake of the argument, that most or all of that 45% aren't voting because they think both Trump and Clinton are poor choices (and I think this theory might have some validity). Now imagine they think that a third party candidate would be a great choice for President, but they are staying home because they think voting third party is throwing your vote away. Just think if that 45% decided to head to their polling place on or before November 8th, and they all voted for that third party candidate.

I'm not saying that person would win, but it would definitely change things. People would perceive this so-called two party system differently. People might reconsider the power their vote has. Clinton or Trump might still win the majority and thus the White House, but they might not feel so secure in the Oval Office.

Now, I'm not saying that if you vote third party it'll fix all our problems. I'm not even telling you that toy should vote third party. Make your own decision. Vote for who you think is the right candidate. You don't have to go with the lesser of two evils. If the person you want isn't on the ballot, write them in. Vote however you want, but for Heaven's sake, vote for someone. It's something to consider.

And if you don't vote, don't try and tell me it's my fault that the system is full of corrupt politicians. I'm making an effort here, which is more than you did.

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights