Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I just got back from seeing, as the title of this blog would indicate, Transformers: Dark of the Moon. I enjoyed it, got as much amusement from it as I did the other two, but the movie was not without its flaws. Some new, some old.

My first complaint is a niggling one, so I want to get it out of the way before I go on to anything else. There is no Dark Side of the Moon. I thought everyone knew this by now, so I was a little surprised to hear it continually referenced. What we used to call the Dark Side of the Moon is now called the Far Side, if it's called anything. The reason is simple, the Far Side of the Moon gets as much light as the rest of the Moon. It's known as the Far Side because the Moon is tidally locked with the Earth, which means the same side of the Moon always faces the Earth. But that doesn't mean that sunlight doesn't reach it. When the half of the Moon we can see is in it's New Phase, i.e. covered in shadow, the other side is completely bathed in light.

Ok, now onto things that are more technical than simply Did Not Do The Research. My main problem with the movie was pacing. The movie kinda drifts along aimlessly for the first half hour or so as we learn what's new in the life of Sam Witwicky. I have no problem with character development, in fact I'm a big proponent of it, even in Summer Blockbusters, as long as it's done well. Spending a few minutes getting us acclimated with Sam's new girlfriend is fine, even if it turns "What happened to Megan Fox" into nothing more than a few lines of Handwaving exposition. I understand that for purposes of continuity, we can't just pretend that character didn't exist, and that a brief "Where'd she go?" "Oh, she's long gone" is all your gonna get from such a movie.

But then we go on to Sam's job hunt, which is aborted almost before it begins by Sam's parents being brought back. Ok, I found them amusing in the first movie, but by the second movie their antics were a bit exasperating. By the time they showed up in this movie, I was squirming in my seat and wondering when this crap would be over with.

As I was leaving for the movie, I was asked "Why do they have to be so annoying?" I said that it was probably so the teens watching the movie could say "Oh God, why do parents have to be sooooo embarrassing?"

Then we get on to the job hunt, which was a mildly amusing montage, then on to Sam's new job. In my opinion, all this took up way too much screentime. Especially since when it started getting to the real cool stuff, like Sam puzzling out the Decepticons latest scheme, they just blew right over it. I mean, I knew what was going on, and I was still baffled by what they were saying. If you're gonna have a scene like that, it should take up at least as much time as the character background you were doing before. If you're not willing to give such a detail the attention it deserves, just have a Mr. Exposition wander into the room, explain everything, and then bump into the wall on the way out. Don't tease me with what appears to be some interesting and engaging investigation work, and then have the whole thing over with in less time than you spent on how fruity Alan Tudyk's character is.

Now back to the afore-mentioned girlfriend. I would like to say that she seemed like a stand-in for Megan Fox's character, that they just gave her all the lines they were gonna give Megan Fox, but it's hard to tell. I mean, Fox's character can be described from beginning to end as "I'm a hot chick with a great body." There, I've pretty much exhausted all there is to say about her. And that's all there is to this character, as well. She's there to look good in tight-fitting dresses, get kidnapped, and give Sam motivation to continue on. In fact, the motivation she provides just makes her character even more worthless, because Sam didn't really need more. "Giant robots are planning on conquering the world for the third time, and you're the only Human who sees the whole picture" seems like plenty of motivation to me. And you can't even say "Well, this makes it personal." How is planning to either exterminate or enslave you not personal?

The screenwriter seemed to realize how two-dimensional this chick was, so he decided to shoehorn in one scene near the end where she actually does something plot-relevant. I'm not going to say what it is to avoid spoilers, but I will say that if she had not been in the movie at all, they could have had any other member of the cast (even one of the annoying parents) do the exact same thing without altering anything else in the movie. Ah, but if she wasn't in the movie, then the Boobies Quotient would have been dangerously low.

Another quick one: parts of the opening of the film take place during the Space Race of the 1960s, and to facilitate this, they make copious use of CG and voice acting to do things like have JFK in the movie (aside from actual stock footage in some places). The problem I had with that, it all looked terrible! The CG JFK in Forrest Gump looked better, and that movie came out 17 years before this one.

I've got some other problems with the movie, but a lot of those mostly involve the film's casual disregard for the laws of physics. And by this point, if you're surprised by such things in a Michael Bay movie, then this is probably the first Michael Bay movie you've ever seen.

On the positive side, the action scenes were as spectacular as ever. If you go to the movie expecting to see vehicles turn into robots, and then beat the everliving snot out of each other, you will not be disappointed.

Overall, the acting was a notch or two above the earlier films. Shia LaBeouf seems more mature and confident in this film than he did before. I guess saving the world twice will do that to a guy. I can't say I recall seeing any of his infamous stuttering rants in this film. So there's some actual character development there. John Turturro is as hammy as ever, and it is glorious. John Malkovic has a cameo, which he plays in his normal manner of appearing to be medicated to the gills. Turturro and Malkovic share one scene together, and I have to say I'm amazed there was any scenery left, at the rate they were chewing it. I commented to the friend I was watching it with that I was surprised the camera was able to handle that much ham all at once.

So, yeah. If you haven't seen it yet, and you liked the earlier installments, go check it out. It's a fun ride. Just keep in mind that it's a flawed movie, and in many ways, feels a bit like an unfinished project.

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights