The Dark Tower

I've been thinking about The Dark Tower a lot lately. Specifically, about the movie that came out last year. Now, a lot of people have already dedicated a lot of time to say what they thought was wrong about the movie. I don't have anything new to contribute on that front, in fact I'm still on the fence as to whether I thought it was a bad movie or not. No, my concern is with something else.

For those who don't know, The Dark Tower is a series of books by Stephen King. It is considered by some to be his magnum opus, despite its obscurity even among King fans. He started writing it when he was a spry lad of 19, and finished it many, many years later, to the great frustration of its fans. The first book in the series is titled The Gunslinger.

Now for whatever reason, The Powers That Be decided to name the first movie The Dark Tower. Perhaps they thought it was a more interesting title than The Gunslinger. I guess I can see that, but there's a problem with this. King titled the seventh and final book in the series The Dark Tower. 

Now, I always hated that title. I could never understand why King thought that The Dark Tower VII: The Dark Tower was a good idea. Regardless, he did it. This creates a problem, because if the film series continues, eventually they're going to get to the last book, and what are they going to name that movie? They already used The Dark Tower. To that end, I thought of a few alternate titles that the suits might want to consider. I feel these capture the essence of the last book.

Be warned, minor spoilers lie ahead.

The Dark Tower VII: The White Lands of Empathica
The Dark Tower VII: Your Favorite Character Will Probably Die
The Dark Tower VII: The Crimson King Was a Total Letdown
The Dark Tower VII: Was Mordred or Patrick Danville a Worse Character?
The Dark Tower VII: They're Not Actually Going to Reenact King's Accident, Are They?

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights