Let me tell you of the days of high adventure!

I made a recent discovery. I was aware that Conan the Barbarian had been a modest success, as a cult movie if nothing else. What I hadn't realized was how some producers went nuts over the idea and scrambled to make their own cheap low budget versions.

Among the stack of cheesy movies I got recently, was a movie I'd seen bits of before called Beastmaster. Watching it yesterday, I had to wonder how much of this movie influenced He Man. The main character even looked the same. It came out the same year as Conan, and it certainly has a rushed quality about it. Oh, and it's got Rip Torn in it.

The movie looked like it was filmed on the same stock Sergio Leone used for his Spaghetti Westerns, and the sound quality wasn't a whole lot better. On the bright side, the acting was just as bad. How that movie got made into two sequels and a TV show is beyond me.

Right now, I'm watching Ator, the Fighting Eagle. To my utter lack of surprise, it's the same as Beastmaster, except with maybe a slightly higher budget. In fact, if you ignored the visual elements and focused on the plot, the first 10 minutes of the movie are indistinguishable from Beastmaster. It also came out in 1982, which must have been a banner year for Sword and Sandal films.

For the last time, I will not sign your copy of Stay Hungry!

The hero of this movie, the eponymous Ator, made me laugh out loud when I first saw him. He looks like he should be singing in a Hair Metal band. Long flowing hair, high cheekbones, ridiculous clothes, he kinda looks like what Michael Bolton thinks he looks like.

Fun fact: Michael Bolton at one time was a Glam Rocker. It's true. He even toured with Ozzy Osbourne once. Google it up.

I have to wonder how many more of these movies I haven't watched yet will turn out to be Conan clones. Personally, I'd like to see more Sword and Sandal fantasy movies. I think the Tolkien Medieval Era movies are getting played out. If anyone in Hollywood is reading this (yeah right) and is looking for an idea, might I point you in the direction of Jack Vance's The Dying Earth? Sure, it's set in the far distant future instead of the misty past, but except for that, it's virtually identical to movies like Conan. It was also a major influence on the magic system found in Dungeons and Dragons, so that should bring in the nerd crowd.

Well, I see that the long-awaited remake of Conan is due to come out this year, with Jason Momoa of Stargate Atlantis and Game of Thrones fame, and Ron Perlman of Ron Perlman fame. If it does well, maybe it'll create a new influx of Sword and Sandal movies. Maybe even good ones this time.

-Long Days and Pleasant Nights